i like doing these lil recaps to take a look back and see how my year has gone. what do i really care about at the end of the year? i think about it and i feel like so many of the huge pits in my stomach in the past are just non-issues now.
23 years of heartbreak. and suddenly my life is just so fucking good.
i pulled into january strong fresh off a rough but incredibly healing loss at genesis black. i think i needed to lose to that in bracket to flip the switch in my head and realize that i had a lot to be happy about. the journey is, on a personal level, almost always more important than the destination - and i love the path i walk, no matter how tumultuous it is.
it’s july now as i’m writing this section. so many things have happened, and most of them so amazing.
my (to-be) roommate finally found a job, which means i could move out of my parents house!! the moving process was a little bit rough but i eventually found a pretty cheap place in downtown san jose :) i moved out in february. being away from my parents home was probably the best choice i’ve made all year. for the first time, i felt calm in my house. it was jarring to feel so calm all the time. having a room all to myself. a kitchen i could cook in. a fridge that wasn’t filled with expired food. a floor that wasn’t crawling with bugs. a house where trash didn’t line the walls. a home that i could call my own.
moving out of your parents’ house is like paying $2000 a month to be happy. and fuck, is it worth it. oh my god. AND ALSO I CAN BRING MY GIRLFRIEND OVER IN PEACE AAAAA this is for sure so worth it
a lot of really cool things have happened this year. but i honestly think that moving out was the single best thing that’s happened this year.
genesis rolled around and i had a great time meeting with a bunch of my netplayge friends :) it’s always so cool to have a major in my hometown, but this was the first time i had been in my own place and that added so much to the experience. drunk moneymatches in the dead of night are so fun, and few experiences will ever beat getting drunk in a hotel room and going down to the venue to fuck around. shoutouts to everyone i played, ate, and drank with <3 i played some good melee but ultimately lost two very doable sets against graves and kurv for 129th. ggs only they were clearly the better player that day but the grind continues.. i really want to break into this tier of players but sometimes i feel so lost!! would i consider myself in this tier of players even if i beat them this time.. i feel like i wouldnt until i started doing it consistently. so thats my goal
bobc came up next; this was my second time in canada and i would say that vancouver is probably the single most beautiful city i’ve been to. the air was crisp and it was cold but i felt so alive. tons of open friendlies all the time, and i had a good weekend with ash, scoot, and ave <3 the boat was pretty chill i love being drunk on a boat with the homies!!!!! i also got 33rd which was ok i think but i didnt really do much that bracket.. i just lost to moky and casper and then went to go get my second favorite ramen ever (ramen danbo!!) and a vegan sushi place that was also dope
meanwhile.. work wasn’t going great, but it hadn’t been for a couple months. i was so stressed and felt like i was under constant surveillance all the time (i was..). none of my coworkers liked the atmosphere either. but unfortunately we all needed the money. i had coworkers that supported me but ultimately couldn’t help lift the scrutiny i was under. eventually i left work a few minutes early and never returned. i think anyone who’s worked knows this, but bosses and coworkers really make or break your entire experience and colors your perception of the industry. i literally got threatened with a baseball bat at starbucks but i loved my coworkers so much that i think of it as a funny incident rather than a scary situation. but being micromanaged and harped on for months on the smallest details will crush anyone’s spirits. i liked my coworkers a lot (s/o sarah and jonathan) but management was too much. i brought up some of my concerns. i was gone soon after. i think that was the first time i had ever felt so let down at work. i loved the work i did so much, but it just didn’t work out. it felt funny to be someone who worked to empower people while not receiving that support from people above me.
that whole experience really got to me for a month. i wasn’t doing well and i was worried about finding a new job in this job market. thankfully unemployment gave me a nice little cushion while i looked for other jobs, but i had really low confidence at this point. being employed kinda sucks sometimes but being unemployed sucks even worse.
thankfully, i already knew i was on a timer and had been looking for work. i was able to get an even better job than i had before and i was due to start in the end of may :)
i reconnected with some friends i really missed (love you iggster) and in a last minute decision i made the call to go down to pats house now that i didn’t have to worry about work! pats house was next up! i took a big long road trip down with mr josh kano where we gigavibed and afterwards had a pretty fantastic weekend hanging out with iggy and gwyn and some other friends i met along the way :) i think i ended up getting 33rd at this tourney after getting upset pretty bad in winners and having really close calls in losers but we ball i guess. playing vavez definitely felt like i was not tall enough to ride this ride type shit so i think i kind of just need to iron out the gameplan and hit harder and also not explode every time i get hit but you know other than that i think its chill
after that, life was cruising. may 2024 was probably the single best month of my life. it was definitely my most eventful month this year and what an amazing month it was.. i hung out with my bestie (after updating this, it is now my girlfriend) diana for a whole week, went to goml right after, went to fanime right after, and then went to smash camp so you could say i was pretty busy ^_^
i love diana lots it is so cool and so comfy and now my girlfriend and oughhh i need to destroy that twink again. im sending it to denver i think. love is a powerful thing because it makes you want to go to denver
goml was such an experience.. those who know 🙏 toronto is a pretty dope city i hear its like nyc kinda (ive never been). i love the cold and the food was pretty good too so it was fun! thank u goosie for takin me to 2 brothers (and sicca . and zeeker) and thank u for letting me pay u back 6 months late i appreciate that heavy 🙏
claire hello bro im super glad i met u at goml ur truly queen oomf and i treasure our friendship deeply. lune aly aubrey and of course coraline, thank you for coming to my big bonanza !! i think i got like 65th losing to juicebox and chango and i think the juicebox set hinged on me not killing myself a bunch but i feel kinda lost in the puff mu i think i need to figure out wtf im doing and how to beat nair. another tourney where i feel like i didnt really do much and placed my seed but i guess its better than underperforming
then off i went to fanime the following week, which would be my first fanime since pre-covid (i used to go every year from 2013-2018 but then stopped) and in 2023 i only went to parkcon so i could hang out with espy and buy $7 long island iced teas from a guy who probably didnt have a liquor license) and honestly it was more fun than i expected. scrolling the dealers hall and artist alleys felt very nostalgic for me, but i feel like im starting to grow out of anime a little bit x_x maybe its because im only consuming slop because i dont want to commit the mental energy to watch an actually good show. thinking about it i think this is half true because i dont think i really want much to do with the overarching anime community but i think the shows can still be good. also maybe its because some of the artists had really like male gaze-y sexualized styles and im pretty sure i do not fw that at all anymore. i did get some dope fucking shoes though check this shit out (alex wang shoes) and i also watched the bad hentai panel for the first time which was a really Mixed feeling but im in there i guess
then ooooh my god smash camp. the things i have to say about this tournament. after i started traveling more for majors i have realized that melee is a filler activity for me and most of what i want to do is eat yummy food, get fucked up, and hang out with pretty girls. and what’s a better place to do that than in the forest? i think outside of bracket i probably played melee for a solid hour the whole weekend, and that was exactly how i wanted it. funnily enough this was probably my best tourney performance so far cause i got 9th beating kevbot and typhoon losing to kacey and spark. it was also raining while i made the run so i think i had some kind of environment area buff goin on but i’ll take it
it was honestly really beautiful to just wake up at 9 am and head to breakfast and grab eggs and veggie sausages and coffee and sit down to eat with my beautiful girlfriend and like. 10 good friends/cool people. i feel like some primal need that i have long suppressed was being fulfilled at those tables and it was a pretty underrated experience, at least for me. also i went shot for shot with a beautiful woman who could definitely outdrink me and i kinda had to go for it anyway. I lost for sure but its chill
like this is what life could be if all my friends lived in the same area and we didnt have to go to like a 9-5 or whatever. Unrelated does anyone wanna start a commune or something with me please. please please man i need this so bad DUDE fuck why am i WORKING what if i was fucking blazed on a rock in the sun in a forest somewhere right now?? PLEASE dm me if you wanna start a commune that is somewhat reminiscent of a cult i’ll take anything at this point
but yeah shoutouts to kacey, aria, gwyn, and tgirl tsukuyomi. juli thank you for the dope fucking jacket because people refer to it as the rainy jacket and i think thats beautiful. they also refer to this 🤙 as the rainy gesture which i stole from iggy and they also associate “hello bro” with me even though cora said it first. i wish i coulda spent more time with doghouse. and hannah.. thanks for the bite >_<
things were pretty smooth sailing lifewise for me at this point - halfway through the year i have a lovely girlfriend and a lovely situationship and just came off a good win and a good job so honestly im quite happy.
around june i got news abt one of my closest friends needing a place to live. i thought about it for a little bit and thought about the commitment and patience and dedication and money it would take for me to do what i wanted. she tried to talk me out of it for like weeks i think and giving me all the disclaimers about what it entailed to take her in. but i think for her id do anything.
i feel like i suffer a lot in life but i also think i knowingly put myself into incredibly vulnerable situations because i think there’s so much to be gained. maybe theres some type of correlation there. i dont ever want to change this about myself even if it saves me heartbreak because i have too much of a savior complex, even at my big age. but honestly, i felt like i could do it this time.
so in august, 23 year old rainy suddenly had a daughter. and what a beautiful rollercoaster it has been. things have been hard and i’ve had some scary experiences and long nights and days where i’d spend 12 hours worrying. insurance, doctors appointments, grocery trips, late night food runs, benefits, ER trips, hair appointments, new purchases, locals, outings - i can’t lie and say there hasn’t been much on my plate. but also - cooking for her, holding her, wrapping up her scars, getting her on her feet, scratching her head, and coming home every evening to this fragile little being - i kind of underestimated the extent to which i would become a mother when i took her in. but i think that when i see the progress from where she used to be i want to cry. joyfully because she’s getting better and that i can be what she needs to heal and painfully because it had taken so long for her to come home. welcome home, coraline <3
i also met ashley during this transition and i am so so in love with this girl.. such a beautiful bundle of joy and ball of energy and truly the best golden retriever gf i could have ever asked for. i love the feeling of wanting to wake up early and experience the world with her by my side and i miss her so dearly but i just gotta hold out for like 8 more months i think (and im seeing her for christmas >_<)
The Polycule Grows by the day.
riptide rolled around and i lowkey have not been practicing much melee since july because of a certain girl so i kinda came in with no intent to practice or grind for this event and off the top of my head i literally cannot remember how i did in bracket. ok i had to look it up and its coming back to me but i pretty much did nothing again and got 97th to sirmeris and max and honestly i just kinda played insanely sloppy and i needa clean it up for next time. cant be that mad because im at a fucking waterpark!! ok the food genuinely made me very sad though which i mean i guess we’re in Sandusky Ohio but like. wehh it was really expensive and not good either so wehhh
BUT i played doubles with espy and i always enjoy how we progressively get better throughout the bracket like some kinda anime duo tournament arc shit and ooughhh i love her so much and we honestly went on a lil mini run that tourney and got 13th? losing to ben/slowking and aklo/maher but we put up a big show!! also i kissed women and smoked a cigarette (i get it now, i used to hate them sm. i will not be making a habit of it but it looks really hot and i understand the appeal) and money matched miss Molly Connolly (shit on btw) and also had a lovely time with her and lucia and marcy and autumn and the 20 other girls in my hotel room. me when i come back from the bathroom and there is literally a Pile of girls on my bed and the floor ROFLLLL
also went shot for shot with aria again and i THINK i won technically so suck it 🖕
i felt like playing melee on sunday so i headed down to the venue and i had some pretty nasty moneymatches/friendlies with tori/cliche/yams/trif which was kinda goated honestly melee is kinda fun when you play people that are good (unfortunately tori Did farm my ass but at least i beat cliche and yams)
a relatively quiet few weeks ensued after that, life as it was with espy and coraline continued. espy brings me so much peace and i feel blessed to have her by my side because it just kinda feels right with her there. also she’s so hot oh my god ooh life is good
starting to explore a concept in my friendships in relationships that im gonna call “duos”.. i think i value being poly and having closer 1:1 platonic relationships a lot because i genuinely like who i am with other people and when i spend time with them alone
its so cool to have different relationship dynamics honestly and it just feels like a breath of fresh air. i can go to chinatown 10 different times and have each experience be so different depending on the person/people i’m with and i think that’s honestly so cool. i love having close friends but i feel like san jose is kinda not the vibe for this type of stuff. i need to move to seattle or something at some point in my life… definitely not leaving the bay for several years at least but maybe there’s something to experience over there
i think throughout october and november when there weren’t any tournaments it was mostly about work and money cause having a kid is Expensive but like. we ball. sometimes i feel like the weight of the world is crashing in on me but also sometimes my life is so good. im pretty sure this is just how life is but also i have like bpd or something so that probably doesnt help
genesis black rolled around and i rly enjoyed seeing a bunch of my friends again and making some new ones! some silly stuff happened in bracket but i had a pretty dope performance and beat noot and suf and lost to s2j and a heartbreaker game 5 last hit set against azusa for 9th ;-; i wish i coulda clutched that shit but i did not have that dog in me to complete the reverse 3-0.. making top 8 at gblack would have made me incredible happy but we ball, it was still a great performance and i’m happy about it
had a cute lil afterparty at my place with the girls and also i always love getting food with ppl during/after bracket and watching top 8
i went to saving mr lombardi on a whim and then immediately had a terrible allergic reaction to natalies cat (the person who housed me) so i showed up feeling like Death and i got like fuckin 33rd or smth ROFLLL its all good and at least i know im allergic to (her) cats now. dude i took off my jacket covered in cat hair after feeling like shit and then all of my symptoms disappeared in 2 minutes straight up. the rest of the day was honestly so fucking gas, i hung out with aubrey and gwyn a lil before i headed back to the venue to smoke out sam, play friendlies with bryan cliche, and then whatever the fuck i was doing on the setup with poke/sumi/swiz. and then i got like onigiri or something until i went back to the house and got assaulted by the allergies again and i popped like 4 benadryls and that finally saved me
then i hung out with aria pupgirl for a lil bit and its a chiller and we made pasta and cuddled and shit
don’t park was another big highlight of my year. beautiful rainy (xd) seattle with 3 wives and such a crazy tournament/top 8, what’s not to love? pretty underwhelming run from me again where i just didn’t really do much but i placed above my seed and lost to 2 good players.. i really need to dedicate more time towards melee or else i feel like i will be stuck in this mid level limbo forever!! i definitely crashed the fuck out after my loss and honestly looking back i needa grow tf up cause i got like 65th which is fine! i grinded 30 sets of ladder afterwards and it does seem silly how close it feels for me to break through without actually. doing it . im pretty sure i just need to be a tiny bit more cracked and hit a lil harder and i think i should be good to go.. and also try to emphasize setting pace a bit more
ok but like after i crashed out i spent time with my girlfriends (so fucking peak!!!!!!!!) and also meeting lunary and zanya was rly dope and i had a dope time with them and we got aladdins and pho and banh mi and thai food and really whats not to love about that place. its all so close by!! its so yummy!! fuck i needa go back. also i saw claire and scoot again and i met hala and other people so honestly it was an amazing weekend. i did get flashbanged by the security lady pretty much calling me a tranny but other than that like. pretty great weekend
in the last period of the year, i found some new friends (and also picked up a win on my Father mojoe and umar ^_^). i also visited ashley and her family in buffalo and while i did freeze nearly to death for the first 2 days, it was such a crazy fucking experience. like whoa people can be friends with their parents. i also binged dune and lotr finally and i am so happy to have finally watched these films. also spending a week with my wife was beautiful. i'm flying home now and i feel a little sad to be leaving, but energized and ready to keep rolling the boulder up the hill
this year has had a lot of ups and downs, but i feel like none of the downs have felt like huge or permanent setbacks in any way, while there are so many ups that feel like they’re going to make a big lasting impact. sure i may have had to deal with some pretty crazy day to day occurrences and some other silly situations, but there is nothing that has happened that feels like a giant setback to my year at this point. even losing my job in april - i got a better and better paying job a month later!! my savings have been depleted a little bit but like. we’re so vibing right now. there are things that could be better (living with my wives, losing weight, having more free time/money) but honestly i think there are very few complaints i could genuinely make about my life right now. espy, ashley, diana, and coraline have been such big blessings for me and i really treasure all the experiences i’ve had and the friendships i’ve made this year (shoutouts to lucia, marcy, claire, ave, molly, aly, gwyn, aria, hazel, alex Mewball, allie, jen, jess, danny sf, danny snap, kacey, scoot, and the friends i’ve known since before 2024! if u are not in here im sorry i just like. scrolled my dms and wrote down names until i got tired. we are probably friends) honestly kinda crazy how many friends i’ve met this year
while i went to like. 9 events this year, it feels funny that melee was really not that big of a focus - i really just wanted to vibe and hang out at every tourney and i’ve been incredibly happy at every major i’ve been to this year
i re entered competition back in the start of 2023 cause i remember i didnt make it out of pools at genesis and i got so fucking mad that i just like. decided to stop playing cs and val and every other game and grind melee. and i got pr for the first time! but the novelty of getting pr wore off after like a couple weeks and i really just wanted to stand with the strongest in norcal (and eventually surpass them). this year i feel like results wise i have not made that much progress, but mentality wise i feel like my head is a lot clearer about where i want to go. and looking back, i have spent a good amount of time on not being rusty, but i don’t really think i’ve put in that much time into actively improving especially in the latter half of the year.
i do wonder if there is a space that exists where i can both spend most of my majors vibing and also just enter the top echelon of players. i think there is but it probably requires me to put in more structured work at home.. i feel like my plate has been so incredibly full and honestly i feel pretty fulfilled even without really achieving my melee goals. but if you know me, you know i’m a greedy son of a bitch and i want it all. that’s why i have 3 girlfriends. but yeah idk, i think i need to make better use of my time cause i still care!! i wanna win!!
things are so fucking good and i could just quit and chill out. but this old dog (24 whopping years old) still has some fight left in her
i’ll see you bitches on the court in 2025
-
rainy
ps. if you go to any events, go to smash camp and don't park (if they host it again). fire fucking tournaments thank u connor and jayde